08 Apr We all need friends, so why not try befriending?

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin

Across the Bay, there are hundreds of lonely people who might not speak to anyone from day to day, from week to week and even from month to month.

Loneliness is one thing, something that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives, but isolation is quite another, rarely voluntary and when involuntary, can lead to a whole host of health problems, including depression, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dementia and premature death.

It can be so destructive that it is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Here at Torbay Communities, much of our work is aimed at reducing loneliness and isolation in people of all ages, but we cannot do it alone and need an army of volunteers who can spare just a few minutes a week to befriend people in their communities.

All it takes is time, a listening ear and access to a telephone. “It really is that simple,” says befriender David Evans, and he should know; he has supported a dozen people over more than five years in what he calls “two-way traffic.”

“I get something out of it and so do the people I talk to, and I would not have it any other way. I cannot imagine life without my weekly chats.”

David, who lives in Torquay, currently befriends three people – two by phone and one, because they prefer it that way, by text “That is okay, they respond, and that way, I know they are okay,” and in an average week, it all takes up less than an hour.

“At work (in an estate agent’s), I make calls all day and have very specific things to achieve. When befriending, all I have to do is listen, and that is so easy because people are endlessly fascinating,” he  said

And everyone is different, the woman he regularly chats to has health problems, “She is a fighter, not a moaner, and her health problems are not what we dwell on. Instead, we talk about anything and everything.”

What many people will find surprising is the man he talks to. He does not fit what we think of as a typical lonely and isolated person: “ He does have health issues, but he is also a very successful businessman. Despite everything, he has plenty of time on his hands and no one to share that time with,” explained David

“He is, however, endlessly fascinating, and we both get a lot out of our chats and look forward to them.”

Again, David is keen to stress that befriending is two-way traffic “We can talk about whatever they want to talk about, and there is no judgment. I never get to meet them, I do not know where they live, what car they drive,  and only learn what they want to tell me; it is friendship without baggage.”

In a world of WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, texts and Instagram, David values the art of conversation way above all of them: “I am not scrolling, I am talking, and there is not enough of that in the world these days.

“And yet we nearly all have phone contracts that offer unlimited minutes as part of our contracts, and few of us fill every minute of every day. Surely we can spare some of those minutes for the benefit of others. I could change your life as well?”

David has been volunteering in one form or another for decades, but befriending, which he first engaged in during the first lockdown in 2020, he considers to be “the peak of my volunteering life.”

We always need more befrienders, who need no other qualification than a phone and a friendly demeanour. We also need specialist befrienders who do all of the above and have a background in counselling and mental health.

To find out more, ring the Torbay Community Helpline on 01803 446022, or pop along to our Easter-themed Volunteer Coffee Morning at People’s Parkfield at the end of Paignton Green on Wednesday, April 15th, from 10 – 12 noon. No booking necessary.

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Woodrow Wilson