12 Mar Rethinking our perceptions of age

Rarely does this column spark as much debate as the one last week about ageism. It created quite the storm.

People have been in touch to express their surprise that not only had they been victims of ageism, they had also unwittingly helped perpetuate it.

It is insidious and it is everywhere. No sooner had the words gone into print that someone said to me (and I mention this for no other reason than to prove a point), ‘You are looking good for your age.’

I was briefly dumbstruck and it took me a while to react because I realised that the words had been chosen as a compliment with no malice intended. But I couldn’t let it pass, and I felt almost apologetic when I pointed out that the sentence should have finished with ‘You are looking good’ with no need for the additional ‘for your age’.

But it is hardly an isolated instance, this type of language is firmly rooted in our lexicon and it is so prevalent that people surrender to it. They arrive at old age expecting to have to slow down, and instinctively adopt phrases like ‘I am too old for that’ or ‘not at my age’

And yet there is no evidence to support either of those assertions; in fact, in some ways, the opposite is true; far from slowing down, we should be upping our activities and increasing our exercise levels (within reason, and subject to your health of course).

We must challenge these stereotypes and a good starting point is ourselves.

In addition:

1. Education and Awareness – Challenge stereotypes by promoting accurate and positive representations of all age groups and conduct campaigns to raise awareness about the harmful effects of ageism
2. Inclusive Workplaces – Adopt policies to ensure equal opportunities for hiring, training, and promotions, regardless of age. Provide training to counter unconscious bias in workplaces.
3. Policy and Legislation – Strengthen laws that protect against age discrimination in employment, healthcare, and housing.

– Advocate for retirement flexibility, allowing people to work as long as they wish without stigma.

4. Intergenerational Programmes – Create initiatives that bring different age groups together, like volunteering projects, community events, or shared housing programs.
   – Encourage younger and older generations to share skills and learn from one another.
5. Healthcare and Support Systems – Train medical professionals to be sensitive to the specific needs of people across all ages.

There are so many examples of ageist comments that too many people think are innocuous. A great example is someone referring to a clearly older woman as ‘young lady’, so clearly patronising and so ubiquitous. Along the same lines, ‘You must have been really beautiful when you were older.’ Implying what?

Another common unsupported statement that is repeated so often that some people actually believe it is ‘You’re too old to learn something new” and that one has a simple retort – point out the missing word, never.

Or another slight overheard when mountain biking at speed in Haldon Forest ‘aren’t you too old to be doing that?’ The response? ‘I don’t know, I have never been this age before.’ Point made.

If you can’t think of a snappy comeback, just ask, “Why would you say that?” Ashton Applewhite, anti-ageism activist and author of a great book on this subject, This Chair Rocks, says this is the best rejoinder to any ageist comment.

Ashton points out that if you don’t rush to save the person from their own embarrassment, it’s quite effective. The most common response is a shrug, but at least you know they’ll think twice before doing it again.

Torbay Communities runs a series of courses called Active Lives, part of the national Live Longer Better Programme, which aims to bust myths and encourage healthy lifestyles regardless of age.

The programme tackles ageism and the tropes associated with it at every level and seeks to challenge assumptions which help people stay active, maintain fitness, relax, eat well, sleep well, think well and live with purpose in a way that fits with lifestyle and ambitions.

In short, through a combination of demonstrations, lectures, and exercise classes, people get an insight into what is possible, not what they have been led to believe is likely.

For more details about the Active Lives programme, contact Jess via email [email protected]