09 Jul Don’t let loneliness distort your self-worth; there’s always a way to connect

At the core of much of the work we do at Torbay Communities are people who are in danger of becoming lonely and isolated.

Until relatively recently, it was assumed that only older people were at risk of becoming lonely and isolated, but that is no longer the case. It is now recognised that loneliness and isolation can also affect younger people.

In a computer, social media-driven world, the problem is growing and the effects can be far-reaching, having a negative impact on not just mental, but also physical health.

Feeling lonely or isolated can be incredibly tough, and it’s important to recognise that these emotions are valid and shared by many people at different points in life. You’re not alone in feeling this way, even though it might seem that way right now.

Here are some suggestions that might help, starting with acknowledging your feelings and recognising that it’s okay to feel lonely. Suppressing emotions can make them stronger. Try writing about how you feel, or even talking to yourself aloud. Sometimes, just naming the emotion can lessen its weight.

Reaching out to others can seem very hard, but start small: Send a text to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, or comment on a friend’s social media post. Join online communities centred around your interests. Even anonymous interactions can help you feel connected.

Start by finding small ways to connect. As discussed many times in this column, volunteering is a great way to get out and about and helping others can create a sense of purpose and connection. It is a two-way street, and it could be you who gets more from the interaction than the person you are helping. That’s ok.

Our Community Builders are excellent at helping people reconnect by exploring new or Forgotten Interests. They help you dive into hobbies (such as art, gaming, reading, and exercise) to fill your time with things that bring you joy.

Alternatively, of course you can try something new anything from online asses, a creative project, or even listening to podcasts to feel “in company.”

Loneliness can distort perceptions (particularly the notion that no one cares about me), so try to counter these thoughts with evidence (e.g., X person checked in on me last month). Always remember that isolation is often situational, not a reflection of your worth.

Do try to consider the root cause of your loneliness. Are you lonely because of a life change (moving, breakup, death of a loved one)? Or is it a deeper sense of disconnection? Understanding the cause can guide your next steps.

Finally, be gentle on yourself as you seek solutions – you’re doing your best in a tough situation. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

When we ran the Ageing Well project for more than six years, we demonstrated that reducing loneliness had a positive impact on people’s health, resulting in fewer doctor’s appointments and fewer visits to hospital A&E departments.

An excellent initiative that could help is the introduction of friendly benches. A simple idea with far-reaching effects, allowing people to chat for as much or as little as they choose without fear of judgement.

Friendly Benches are a heartwarming initiative designed to combat loneliness and foster social connections in our communities, and there are now dozens of them across the Bay.

Keep an eye out for benches around Torbay with the Friendly Bench plaques on them, if you fancy a chat!

They are public benches where people can sit and chat with others, reducing isolation and promoting community bonding. Our benches are marked with plaques encouraging conversation.

They encourage strangers to interact, helping those who feel isolated (especially, though not exclusively, older or vulnerable individuals).

A growing list of the Friendly benches can be found here on our website, and we are always seeking more.

Regardless of your age, if you feel you are lonely and becoming isolated, you can reach out to our Community Builders, who will let you know what is happening in your area and you might be surprised by just how much is happening and if you are worried about making the fist step they will support you.

Alternatively, call the Torbay Community Helpline on 01803 446022. You are not alone; there is someone out there ready to help.